It’s important to tell kids what the right thing to do is...

It’s important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying ‘Don’t jump on the couch,’ try ‘Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor.’ Ages 6 to 8 Timeouts and consequences are also effective discipline strategies for this age group. Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. Make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority.

Kids have to believe that you mean what you say. This is not to say you can’t give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say. Be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment (‘Slam that door and you’ll never watch TV again!’) in anger, since not following through could weaken all your threats. If you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn’t stop, make sure you do exactly that.

The credibility you’ll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost beach day. Huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter for a month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviours because everything has already been taken away. Ages 9 to 12 Kids in this age group — just as with all ages — can be disciplined with natural consequences.

As they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behaviour is an effective and appropriate method of discipline. For example, if your fifth grader’s homework isn’t done before bedtime, should you make him or her stay up to do it or even lend a hand yourself? Probably not — you’ll miss an opportunity to teach a key life lesson.

If homework is incomplete, your child will go to school the next day without it and suffer the resulting bad grade. It’s natural for parents to want to rescue kids from mistakes, but in the long run, they do kids a favour by letting them sometimes fail me. Kids see what behaving improperly can mean and probably won’t make those mistakes again. However, if your child does not seem to be learning from natural consequences, set up some of your own to help modify the behaviour.

Ages 13 and Up By now you’ve laid the groundwork. Your child knows what’s expected and that you mean what you say about the penalties for bad behaviour. Don’t let down your guard now — discipline is just as important for teens as it is for younger kids.