The break up was devastating to me...

The break up was devastating to me, so much that I didnt even realize what I was really going through at the time. My only consolation was drinking and partying. I still went to church during this time, but I couldnt find the spirituality I needed to get me through this without losing all my self-respect. Meanwhile, I studied Islam a little more, but to me it was purely academic. I decided to declare it as my minor in graduate school and started studying Islamic fundamentalism in Central Asia.

But I thought the more I study Islam, the more I need to study Catholicism. Come spring semester I signed up for the class Conflict Resolution in Islamic Studies with Professor Abdul Aziz Said. One day he gave us a copy of the Noble Quran. I couldnt believe it! I was so excited that I had a copy of the Quran. I had never read the Bible. I took it home but didnt start reading it right away. I started talking with a Moroccan at work.

He started to tell me certain Surahs to read and then he said that once you start digging into Islam you cant stop. I just laughed and assured him that I was very secure in my Catholic beliefs. In order to make myself believe that I started to research Catholicism. It was short lived though. One day all of this changed. I was doing some tabling at the university to get some support for our human rights group. Another girl from the organization, Mandy, came with me. I knew her, but not that well.

As we sat there for two hours I discovered that she was a Muslim, she converted from Catholicism. When she told me this, I started to feel like maybe it was ok, the feelings that I was having, Im not alone. After that I started reading the Quran. It was beautiful. Two weeks later I went to the mosque with her for Friday prayer. Ill never forget her tying the scarf on my head for the first time and teaching me how to say salaam aleykom. I felt an incredible sense of unity with the women there.

I kept reading the Quran, it is so logical, it fills in the gaps that Christianity had, it answered the questions. I knew I couldnt give up drinking and partying. I read about Muslim women on the Internet and discovered the Muslim dress and got scared! That wasnt for me, I couldnt give up my shorts and skirts. Mandy left and went to New York for six weeks. I stopped drinking, kind of as an experiment, also because I was tired of making mistakes when I was intoxicated. It wasnt hard at all.