I had read the Bible...

I had read the Bible, some of the Hindu Vedas, much of the Talmud, and the Book of Mormon. So in the interest of education, I accepted the offer. When the book came, I found that he had generously sent me two other books. An Illustrated Guide to Islam and Towards Understanding Islam. I read them first. Then I began the Meaning of the Quran. It was if scales had fallen off my eyes, and off of my heart. I felt in my heart that I had found how to please God.

I promised myself I would not take shahada until I had read the entire Quran. Even though I spent hours studying other aspects of Islam on the internet. There was nothing that I learned that turned me off the faith. Instead, there were so many ideas that I had believed already. It was as if Allah had been leading me to Islam all of my life. I prayed. I searched my heart. I tried to think of some excuse why I couldnt convert to Islam. I thought about how my family and friends would take it.

I thought about how hard it would be to wear hijab around here (and I felt that wearing hijab was fard). No matter what excuse I came up with, I knew they didnt matter. Allah was calling me. On the evening of August 15, 2002 I repeated after my internet friend, La ilaha illa Allah Muhammadur rasoolu Allah (There is no true god but God, and Muhammad is the Messenger of God). I was Muslim. I felt great! Now I had to break the news to my husband. I actually hadnt expected to convert so quickly.

But when something is right, it happens. I told my husband and he was supportive. We had some difficulty over the next couple weeks, but we worked it out. He was just worried about me. Worried about violence from people because of 9/11. Worried I was on an emotional high and would come down and feel I had made a mistake. He had watched me explore many other religions over the course of our marriage. He was afraid this was another of my phases. Of course, he didnt say this all so bluntly.

He was very kind and considerate. I havent been a Muslim that long yet. Maybe this is another phase. But is that any excuse not to follow Allah? I had read an article on excuses of why women dont wear hijab. One was because they were worried they would take it off at some later point and then would cause more harm then good. The response was that you cannot predict the future. Maybe you will take off your scarf. Maybe you wouldnt. Is that any reason not to wear it now?

So I feel the same about being Muslim. Maybe someday I will fall away. I pray not.