If you can recall...

If you can recall, in one of my earlier talks I had narrated a tradition of the Prophet (s) in which he has said: “In the eyes of Allah, the foundation of matrimonial alliance in Islam is the most likeable." (Wasailus Shia, Vol 14, page 43) The sand and cement to bind this foundation are the instincts of love and affection between man and wife.

If there is no concrete in the foundation of a building it will be weak, similarly if there is no love among the inhabitants of a house it will be desolate. Two things require our consideration in this connection. The first is to find out what is the thing that is harmful to the formation and growth of the family. The second thing is the consideration of the factors that promote love and affection in marital lives of people.

2 Actions That Reduce The Love - Anger The first thing that harms love is misbehavior and anger. If the wife uses coarse language and gets angry with her husband, then her words will be like a slap on the husband’s emotions. Similarly, if the husband is ill-mannered, his initial misbehavior will strike a blow to the love of the woman. And if the trend continues for long it will destroy the love between them, and then love will turn into abhorrence and hate.

It is very important that we refrain from tongue-lashing at home to maintain the atmosphere of love and affection. Abusive Language And Beating I have said repeatedly that if a man or a woman has the habit of using offensive and abusive language, then they have no character. Allah, the Prophet (s) and the Imams (a.s.) have strongly disapproved of this habit. One person was a constant companion of Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (a.s.); wherever the Imam (a.s.) went, the person followed him.

One day the Imam (a.s.) was traveling and the person was with him too. Due to the fatigue of travel, the person’s slave was falling behind. He called for the slave, but he didn’t hear the master. Even when he called for a second time the slave didn’t hear him. Now the person got angry and shouted profanities at the slave calling him the illegitimate issue of his parents. When the Imam (a.s.) heard the use of foul language, he sat down and pressed his hand to his forehead as a mark of displeasure.

Then he said, “You have accused the slave’s mother of adultery! I was thinking all the time that you are a good person while, in fact, you are not!” The man said, “O son of the Prophet (s)!