[I was too late in responding to the ad for that man...

[I was too late in responding to the ad for that man, but the] friend gave my letter to [another man] the one who is now my husband because he was also wanting to get married. We talked on the phone ten to twelve hours a week for six weeks; then he flew to Kansas. We were about 90 percent sure about marriage even before we met, but had to meet to know for sure. We got engaged that day, and did the Islamic marriage (nikkah) two days later.

I was looking for someone who was a strong Muslim, both in theory and practice-one who lived his life Islamically, regardless of how others around him lived. I wanted someone who would be a good provider, because in a marriage it is the man who provides the family with everything, even if the woman has money. I had heard many stories about men who didn't work, or wanted the wife to support them, so I wanted to make sure my husband would work hard for us.

The more I got to know about him, the more he seemed to fit this. I had been straight-forward in my letter about wanting a strong Muslim, that I was divorced with a child, (in case it was someone wanting a young virgin), and enclosed my photo. Even though I didn't ask for his photo right away, he sent one to me. Looks are not important.

He and I got to know each other very well on the phone, talking about many things about our lives-Islam, current events (including some that involved Muslims), etc. I made sure his family would accept an American wife [he was from a Muslim country], even one who has divorced with one child from that marriage. But he assured me that wouldn't make a bit of difference to them, that they all chose their mates, and some chose mates from other countries.

We became very close through our phone conversation, and I always looked forward to him calling. If I had a bad day, I wanted to tell him about it so I would feel better. It was like an old-fashioned courtship. Our passions didn't get in the way of getting to know each other. When we met, we realized we were right for each other, and the friendship and affection we felt for each other turned to love. Islam does not allow dating, pre-marital sex, etc.

This is a great way to get to know someone, and see if you get along with each other. That is the most important [step], getting to know if someone else is on your level, Islamically and personally. If they are, you will love them and be attracted to them. I wanted someone who was gentle and loving, and I found someone like that.