According to another report...

According to another report, when humans are brought before Allāh Almighty on the Judgment Day, they will be addressed thus: "Let anyone who had sought rewards from Allāh stand", whereupon only those who had forgiven others would then stand" ( Ihyā al-Ulūm , Vol. 3, p. 146).

It has been reported about someone that a man said to him, "So-and-so has backbitten you." He, therefore, sent him a platter of fresh dates and said to him, "It has come to my knowledge that you have given me by way of present some of your own good deeds; therefore, I wanted to reward you for them, but please excuse me because I can not reward you enough" ( Ihyā al-Ulūm , Vol. 3, p. 146).

One route which the apologetic person can take is to exaggerate in praising the man whom he had backbitten and seek to be close to his heart and continue to do so till he wins his heart. But if he does not win his heart, his own apology and attempt to be close to that person will be regarded as good deeds counted for him, and they may suffice to wipe out the backbiting sin on the Judgment Day.

There is no difference between backbiting a young or an old person, a living or a dead one, a male or a female. Let seeking Allāh's forgiveness and supplicating for the person whom one had backbitten be done in a proper way that suits the person whom he had backbitten. He may supplicate the Almighty to grant a young person guidance, a dead person mercy and forgiveness, and so on. The obligation is not dropped if one grants his honor to people because it is granting what should not be granted.

Jurists have said that one who permits others to charge him doest not rescind his right for compensation. It has been narrated that the Prophet (ص) has said, "Can you at all be unable to do what Abū Damdam does? Whenever he leaves home, he says, 'Lord! I have offered my honor by way of charity to people'?" ( Ihyā al-Ulūm , Vol. 3, p. 146).

It means: "I do not demand on the Judgment Day retribution from one who has wronged me [by backbiting me], and I do not complain about him." It does not mean that backbiting him had thus become permissible; rather, forgiveness must be sought for it as is the case with all other atonements, and surely Allāh is the One Who grants success.