Despite this problem...
Despite this problem, I can say through comparison of every married Muslim and non-Muslim couple I have ever met that the Muslim marriages tend to be happier, more equal, and longer lasting. Since many Muslim marriages are arranged without the couple knowing each other too well before marriage, they both enter the marriage with a spirit of compromise. There does not exist the delusion of the one right man or right woman in the world.
Rather, Muslims believe they can be compatible and have a successful loving marriage with a variety of different types of people. All marriages take work. In my mind, one of the great failings of the typical Western non-Muslim marriage is that it is expected to be easy. When difficulties arise, the couple decides they must have not really found their one right mate, and so they part; and very rarely is the parting kind and equitable.
Finding a Mate Muslim youth in the West today are enticed by the romantic images on TV. They wonder where the room is for romance in an arranged marriage. Having experienced a small bit of dating life as a non-Muslim, and then having married a Muslim, I feel I can offer perspective. Dating is not romantic, it is not fun, and it does not help in later married life. There is such great peer pressure to date that it occurs among the very young, and people only get hurt.
A relationship begins, the youth may do things they regret, and a short time later they leave each other. Then, they talk about each other, spreading gossip and damaging each other’s reputations. Most of the time the relationship is largely physical and even basic friendship is missing between the two, although they can’t see that through the veil of their strong physical desires. This is true even for those who try to remain chaste.
As people get older, relationships last a little longer, but the problems don’t change all that much. Finally, the “training” is over and a couple gets married. They feel they have prepared themselves to know what kind of person is good for them through years of dating. However, they find that in marriage, their spouse is not the same person as he/she was while dating. And they find that both they and their spouses have jealousy over those previous dating relationships.
The romance and true love that these people are looking for does not come automatically like on TV. True romance comes from the commitment of the people involved and from friendship and not from magic instant sparks.