Although in Islam...

Although in Islam, backbiting or speaking bad about others is prohibited, however, the Ulama have mentioned that this is one scenario where the law is accommodated for the betterment of the family structure. • The many supplications (such as Dua 33 in as-Sahifah al-Kamilah as-Sajjadiyah, known as the Supplication for Seeking the Best) should be recited and the person must sincerely ask Allah (SwT) to guide his/her heart to that, which is truly the best.

If one is truly in doubt after all these stages have been exhausted , then and only then should one resort to the 'traditional' Istikhara. There is a comprehensive book on this topic, which has recently been published by the Islamic Humanitarian Service entitled Istikhara: Seeking the Best from Allah (SwT) which can be purchased from www.al-haqq.com .

The Mahr - A Gift to the Woman The Mahr - or dowry as it is usually translated - is one of the ways through which the woman becomes halal for the man - the other (which goes along with and is side by side) is the actual Aqd or reading of the vows. The Mahr, which must be specified before the Aqd, is a gift to the wife and in no way can be referred to as the price or worth of the woman.

By examining the Islamic traditions, we see that it is not necessary that money or gold or some physical item be given as the Mahr - rather, anything that the woman requests and the man agrees to would be considered as the Mahr. It is for this reason that we see at the time of the Prophet (S) that a man married a woman and the Mahr was that he would teach her the Quran!

There are many instances such as this in the history of the Muslims where the Mahr was either a very small amount or a non-materialistic gift. Unfortunately, in many communities nowadays, the trend has been to set the Mahr to substantial amounts of money, jewelry, gold, and other material goods - where as in Islam, the recommended act is to have a 'small' or modest Mahr, such that the husband is not put into any difficulty to pay it and thus, a large Mahr is actually Makruh or highly discouraged.

According to the Scholars, if the Mahr is set to such an amount that even in the future, the man will not be able to pay it, or if the man does not have the intention to pay the Mahr, then such a marriage is a matter of doubt. Also, it must be made clear that the Mahr is not something that one pays only in the event of a divorce, as is seen in some East Asian cultures.