Golden Guidelines towards a good matrimonial life - Al-Shia The Scientific and Cultural Website of Shia belief Golden Guidelines towards a good matrimonial life 2022-12-22 301 Views Family, Happy Home, Family Etiquettes, Matrimonial life Having a good matrimonial life is a collective responsibility of both the husbands and the wives. That is to say, each of the spouses has to observe certain responsibilities in order to have happy and successful matrimonial relationship. We shall therefore highlight some of the golden guidelines to attain a good matrimonial life. Contents 1. Good Morality 2. Love 3. Moderate Expectation 4. Forgiving 1. Good Morality It is necessary for the spouses to consider few ethics which are repeatedly stressed in the Holy Qur’an for the sake of themselves as well as their children. One of such ethics necessary for a good matrimonial relationship is a good moral. This will not only ease our progress on the way towards God, but it will also strengthen our marriage; increase our mutual love; and serve as a lesson for others, especially our children. Mutual adherence to morals will create an atmosphere of love and affection; peace and security; and health and purity and will make all aspects of our life delightful. In several verses, the Holy Quran has praised the noble Prophet for being good-tempered and adhering to this attribute. The Qur’an says: “It is by Allah’s mercy that you are gentle to them; had you been harsh and hardhearted, they would have surely scattered from around you. ” (1) And, and indeed you possess a great character (2) The Prophet (PBUHH) on the other hands, said: Islam means being good-tempered (3) In his advice to the Commander of the Faithful, Ali son of Abu Talib (a.s), he (PBUHH) said: Shall I inform you of your closest trait to me? He answered in affirmative (4). The Prophet (Pbuh) said: The one with the best temper, the one who is the most persevering, the one who helps his relatives the most, and the one who is most fair to others regarding himself (5) Imam Hasan Mujtaba (a.s) also said: The best goodness is a good temper (6) Nobility and a good temper are so valuable that the noble Prophet of Islam (PBUHH) has declared it to be the reason for his appointment to the Prophethood (7) (8). Being good-tempered and having good morals are rays of God’s attributes, the attribute of the noble Prophets of God and the Immaculate Imams and it is a source of goodness and blessings to the one with these attributes. A bad temper and foul behavior on the other hands, are satanic and are the causes of disruption of life, insecurity, separation, and hatred of people; and will ruin the life, here and in the Hereafter. 2. Love God has established love in our hearts as husbands or wives and recognizes this to be one of the signs of His Existence. This fact is a manifestation of the importance and extent of love and especially the love and affection of husband towards his wife. The Qur’an says: And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect (9) This love and affection blossoms early in marriage and even before the religious wedding ceremony, and it grows until it reaches its final extent. It is the responsibility of both partners in marriage to maintain this given blessing and this excellent spiritual state of love, which is the main cause of happiness and pleasure in life. This can be achieved by mutual support, being good-tempered, forgiving, cooperation, reasonable expectations, mutual respect, avoiding arguments, and fights. The couple should avoid what might harm their loving relationship. In addition, they should know that any attempt to maintain a loving relationship is considered to be worship and any act that might hurt the foundation of love is undoubtedly a sin and deserves God’s punishment, and also causes grief and hurt in this life. Regarding those who have the power to attract others affection, Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: May God bless those who can attract people’s affection (10) If there is no intellectual or religious legitimate reasons, converting love and affection into hatred, grudges and animosity is considered to be ungrateful to God’s blessings. On the other hand, maintaining a loving relationship and extending love to others is a cause of happiness in this world and the Hereafter. Imam Sadiq (a.s) said: Woe to those who are ungrateful for God’s blessings, and blessed and prosperous be those who love each other for God (11) Man is enjoined to be affectionate to all the people who deserve his kindness, love and affection. Thus, our spouses and children who are even much closer to us require our love and affection. It has been written in a Hadith Qudsi (Allah says): The creatures are my dependents. And the dearest one to me is the one who is kindest to my creatures, and one who exerts the most effort to satisfy their needs (12) Based on what was said, the love of a man for a woman and the love of a woman for a man is one of the signs of God which is placed in the heart. It is one of the special signs of God’s existence, and one of His Special Blessings. This love is the best reason for the establishment of a healthy mutual life, and its continuation. It is the cause of happiness and pleasure in life. That is why it is necessary to maintain and try to strengthen it and to avoid actions which might harm it. The Prophet of Islam (PBUHH) said: When a man’s expression of love to his wife will never be removed from her heart (13) It must be noticed that love of one’s wife should not become too excessive, since this will also prevent a man from walking on the right path and doing good deeds. One should especially be careful that his wife does not try to rule over him through his love for her, and force her excess wants upon him. A man’s love and affection to his wife or anything else should be subject to his belief in God and the Day of Judgment, and it should not prevent him from progress towards perfection and doing good deeds. However, if the love for women should become bedrock for sin and wastefulness, or jealousy and greed, or abstaining from doing obligatory religious acts, then this kind of love -accompanied by a satanic state- is far away from God’s pleasure and satisfaction. 3. Moderate Expectation Each man and woman has his/her own physical and spiritual strength, which can only be realized after some time of natural, and moral encounters. A husband and wife get to know each other’s physical and spiritual status and get to understand one another after a while. They must realize that God has considered two very important facts when He ordained duties upon man. Firstly, He has not required us to do what is beyond our capabilities. Secondly, He has made our moral and religious responsibilities based on our ability, not our power. Most researchers believe that our responsibility is much less than our capability. This is only due to God’s kindness and mercy upon His servants. He has referred to this fact in verses 233 and 286 of Chapter 2, verse 152 of Chapter 6 and verse 42 of Chapter 7 and verse 62 of Chapter 23 in the Holy Quran that he will task a soul except based on its capacity. For this reason, both husbands and wives must consider this noble and kind characteristic of Allah’s in their expectations from one another. Firstly, they should not ask for anything -material or spiritual- beyond the other person’s capability. This is because forcing such an unreasonable want upon the other party is considered oppressive, and it darkens the spirit and results in divine retribution. Secondly, they should not consider the other side’s power in their expectations; rather, they should reduce their wants and expectations within their own limits. Thirdly, They should serve each other by performing their own duties, and invite each other to do so p