Even if he doesn’t like her, his faith will not permit him to be cruel to her.

Even if he doesn’t like her, his faith will not permit him to be cruel to her.” How felicitous is this tradition of Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (a.s.)! I suppose there is not even one person in this gathering who has not made such excuses, even though the Prophet (s) himself has not attached any importance to them, rather has negated them. During the times of the Prophet (s), some unusual matches have taken place so that these flimsy excuses are eliminated.

Examples are the marriages of Juwaybir, Zubair and Miqdad. The Prophet (s) got a beautiful girl with good akhlaq married using faith as the only criterion to establish the fact that the basis of marriage should be religion and akhlaq , not good looks or ancestry. I do not say that you should totally disregard other factors. I say that the criterion for marriage should be faith and akhlaq . If you like a girl seventy percent, you should not make further excuses in finalizing the match.

You should not take recourse to istakhara, which is only meant for special situations when human wisdom and discretion fail, and it is not possible to obtain the opinion and advice of other Mu’minin . In situations where confusion prevails, istekhara can be resorted to. But in situations where everything is crystal clear, when the intellect can guide you, when a proposal has come from a boy who fits well into the norms of piety and morals, doing an istakhara is meaningless.

Istakhara in Islam, in fact, means that a person offers two rakaats of prayer and thereafter says the following words a hundred times, “ Astakhirullaha be rehmateh *”*** (O Allah! Make what I am going to do felicitous for me!). Thereafter he should busy himself with what he had planned to do. The work will, God willing, be good for him. This is the istakhara that the author of Kitabe Jawahir has recommended in his book. It means to ask the best from Allah in your works.

Sometimes when an istakhara comes negative, people do it again and again till they get a positive response. This is absolutely wrong. In conclusion we would like to say that the excuses made by parents or the boys and girls for avoiding and postponing matrimony must be avoided. Instead, we should place trust in Allah. Allah will set the future right. According to the Holy Quran one should neither grieve over the past, nor be fearful about the future.