Arrange a good spouse for him/her**[1]** The fondest hope of...

Arrange a good spouse for him/her**[1]** The fondest hope of every parent will be that their children grow into polite and respectable persons. But this hope cannot be fulfilled without sincere and continued efforts. It will not be possible to infuse this trait in the children with sermonizing. The best route to this end is setting ideal example before the children by the parents with their exemplary behavior in their daily lives.

Hazrat Ali has said: Best behavior is that which you yourself start to practice. [2] Start instruction with oneself and then teach others. First make your character perfect and then sermon and advise others. [3] Children are natural mimics. The capability to copy is very strong in their nature. The children imitate the ways of their parents and others around them. He will talk like them and he would try to walk like them.

Instruction, off course, is a very important aspect of training, but it is not [1] Wasaail al-Shiah Vol. 15, Page 123. [2] Ghurar al-Hikam, Page 191. [3] Nahj al-Balagha, Vol. 3, Page 166. as strong as the capacity to mimic and learn, particularly in the early stages of childhood. The parents, who are particular that their children should be polite and well behaved, must take special care to see that they are training them by personal examples.

If the parents are polite to one another, naturally the children will follow suit. The parents who themselves are devoid of politeness and good manners, should not expect good manners from their children. They might lecture the children hundreds of times on the norms of good behavior and politeness, but the children would be behaving under the experience of the attitude of the parents and others in the household.

If the parents are impolite and abusive to each other, they will be setting a negative example to their growing children. Children from such homes will be as bad mannered as the parents or, perhaps, more so. Any attempt at correcting them will fall on deaf ears. They will naturally think that the parents are asking them to do what they themselves dont practice. Example is always better than precept. But it is not right to think that lecturing will be totally ineffective.

Good parents, who also set good example for their children, can always talk to them about the norms of good conduct and they will definitely accept their advice. This advice too has to be given with politeness.